We cannot wait passively until someone shows up to offer us friendship.
There are some people we just like being around.
Maybe they are the yin to our yang, the introvert to our crazy extroverted-ness, a leader when our tendency is to follow. Maybe there is a grace there that we can’t seem to ignore, or a flair that we can’t seem to explain. Perhaps we find that we have an odd hobby that we share a passion for, or our kids hit it off and we do too.
If you were to think about the people you see regularly, maybe the ones you see every once in a while (or perhaps even women you know through the online community), and choose a couple that stand out to you as people who, for you, have that special something, who would they be?
Jot their names down.
Right now. I’ll wait.
Ok. Now think about what would it look like if you intentionally reached out and started pursuing a deeper friendship with them. Maybe you could ask them for coffee. Tell them you really enjoy their company and would like to get to know them better. Toss an email their way and tell them that you admire them.
Scary? Nerve-wracking? Risky?
But what’s the worst that can happen?
There have been times in my life when I have intentionally reached out and a friendship I desired never took off. And it wasn’t the end of the world. It really wasn’t even all that uncomfortable. Either the person I wanted to cultivate a deeper relationship with didn’t have the time or the ability to reciprocate, or the chemistry just wasn’t there as I hoped it would be.
One friend, who still remains a basket two friend, has two sisters locally and spends most of her social time with them. With another woman, one whom I admire and look up to for so many reasons, conversations just don’t flow all that smoothly. There have even been some times in my life when I had a basket three friend and I didn’t know which basket I was in for her.
And I’ve come to realize, with each of these friendships and others like them, that it’s OK. Making friends is not an exact science.
Given time, intentionality, communication, and vulnerability, the friendships we desire can be achieved. We may be surprised at the way things develop, the situations that arise and bring us closer to, or distance us from, certain people in our lives, but nonetheless, maybe the time to wait for friendships to come to us is past.